Saturday, October 27, 2012

Woe, is me!!!!!!

This is one of those posts I was hoping would only come around once in a blue moon, if ever. However I am here, I am deep and I am sitting smack bang in a serious funk. What is with that, I am a smart, sensible (most of the time), bright and usually cheery middle aged women, but today I just feel like shit.

There is no reason, I have no excuse, I cannot put my finger on it. Just that today everything seems to suck, which is kind of stupid. You see I have a wonderful husband, 3 amazing children, a house that is almost repaired (4 weeks to go) seriously as the Aussies would say I really do live the life of riley. So what is with this sense of gloom and darkness that is sitting over my head like an ugly black cloud. You know I even ate a MARS BAR, chai latte and pie. Three things that a funk buster should avoid from crossing their lips, but I went for it anyway. My little voice in my head is telling me I am an idiot, not deserving of being fit and healthy and that I am destined to be a cranky fat old witch for the rest of my life. Which probably is relatively short as you do not see to many morbidly obese people over the age of about 55, they are either dead or holed up in their homes, because you rarely see them out and about. By my reckoning that gives me less that 10 years unless I can get out of this funk I am in, lose weight and become more positive.
I eluded to my confidence taking a battering recently in my last post and that has crept up on my now and is playing on my mind. I am starting to doubt myself and my ability, maybe I am the crazy one, maybe I did react badly at times, but the sensible part of me keeps reminding me that it takes two to tango. Even the simple act of not getting a response to an email requesting a reference from someone has been enough to make me think I am not worthy, whats with that, stupid I know. But I promised my readers warts and all and here you are you are getting it. So now that I have given you a scarily intimate look into the musings of a peri menopausal mind, scary thought in itself LOL. I will promise you this:
* This afternoon between 4.30-6.30 (time to be confirmed) I will be hitting the pool and pounding out a minimum 1200 metres.
* I will do my best to improve my much exhausted frame of mind.
* I will check in tomorrow with a plan that will be executed to lift my spirits and get this funk I am presently in well and truly busted.

If you feel like having a vent and blowing off a little steam as I just have then feel free to share, cause sometimes it helps to not feel so alone.


  1. Wendy,
    I just want to give you a "hug" and a kick in the butt and let you know that you do matter and this is just a spell you are going through. Sometimes we need to go through tough times, so we learn to appreciate the good things in our lives.

    I too struggle with a weight problem, but I never let it define who I am as a person. Yes, I feel that some people treat overweight people different than skinny people, but that tells me what kind of person they are, not what kind of person I am.

    I don't want you to set yourself up for failure, by putting too much on your plate with the swimming/exercise and sugar free food program. Then when we mess up, we feel like we have failed. Remember, eating is one thing that we have control over in our lives and no one else can do it for us, but us. And that is the hard part. Just because you ate something you weren't suppose to, don't feel that it is a failure - it was a slip - and get back up on the horse.

    I applaud you for your honesty and putting yourself out there with this blog - that takes some courage. So, remember, you are not in this alone, there are lots of people like you out there, that are doing the best we can.

    As far as looking for a new career or project, maybe this down time is just what you need to relax and re-focus your energy into something new and exciting. You never know what might show up and you should be open to new and different adventures. I truly believe that we can accomplish and be successful at anything we put our mind to.

    Wishing you only the best,

    Sandy Mathews
    Helping Hands, Etc.

    P.S. I met you at the NAPO Conference in San Diego. I belong to the NAPO-San Diego Chapter and I asked you to write an article for our newsletter (San Diego Statement) a couple years ago.

  2. I sure do remember, and thanks Sandy for the great words I really appreciate them. Hope to make it to NOLA in 2013, are you going??